Valentine’s Day Romance: What This Model of Love May Say Is Missing
Learn about how Sternberg’s Theory of Love can help you better understand your relationship.
Valentine’s Day often highlights romance — a combination of passion and intimacy — but psychology reminds us that love is more complex and more interesting than flowers and candlelit dinners (as important as those can be to express our love to our SOs!). One of the most enduring frameworks comes from psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, which proposes that love is built from three core elements:
1. Intimacy — Emotional closeness This includes trust, vulnerability, affection, and the feeling of being deeply understood. Intimacy often grows through shared experiences, honest conversations, and emotional safety.
2. Passion — Physical and motivational energy This is the spark: attraction, excitement, desire, and the drive toward connection. Passion tends to fluctuate naturally over time — and that’s normal.
3. Commitment — The decision to maintain love Commitment is the stabilizing force. It’s choosing the relationship, especially during stressful or less exciting phases, and investing in its long-term health.
According to Sternberg, different combinations of these components create different kinds of love — from infatuation (mostly passion) to companionate love (intimacy + commitment) to what many consider the ideal: consummate love, where all three elements are present.
💡 A gentle Valentine’s reflection: Rather than asking “Is our love perfect?” consider asking:
Where are we strong in the triangle?
Which area could use nurturing right now?
How can we intentionally cultivate balance?
Love isn’t static — it evolves. Passion can be rekindled, intimacy deepened, commitment renewed. Healthy relationships often involve revisiting all three points repeatedly over time.
However you celebrate today — with a partner, friends, family, or yourself — remember: love is both a feeling and a practice.
Warm wishes for connection, growth, and compassion this Valentine’s Day.
