Mapping Out the Months; A New Year Full of Possibility and…Nope?!?
New Year, New Resolutions?
The changing of the guard from 2023 to 2024 has come and gone. The gyms, formerly bustling with activity, have started to go back to “normal.” New ventures and projects have perhaps been abandoned and for many it may seem like it’s back to being “just another year.”
As a therapist I jump on the opportunity to incorporate the idea of the New Year’s Resolution into my work with clients. Some people are loath to commit to such concrete personal expectations for the future which strikes me as a bit odd seeing as the setting of goals is a MAJOR cornerstone of psychotherapy - something that we tend to work on from the very first session! I believe that these naysayers can benefit if they reconsider the origins of how they came to be so resistant to the idea.
Usually when asked about their negative opinions of New Year’s Resolutions, clients might say something like, “I usually see good progress at the start, but then it just all goes away.” They might add, “I’m SO motivated and then I just get to where I don’t even care anymore.” So then they start to form a negative association to the process of goal-setting, believing that it will ultimately result in failure and disappointment so why even bother?
“I’m SO motivated and then I just get to where I don’t even care anymore.”
This is a common cognitive distortion, a form of catastrophizing or projecting a negative outcome into the future. We’ve all done it. And it seems logical, right? I mean, why expect different results if that’s what your experience has been up to this point? But, you see, THIS is a point on which I often press back and implore people to reconsider! The thing is, if we get into the habit of just kind of accepting things as they have been, we are contributing to a sense of powerlessness and passivity. Such blanket acceptance leaves no room for the situation to be any different than what you’ve always known it to be, as if you are simply resigned to stay on the path of the fateful loop that you’ve created for yourself.
BUT we all have the capacity to be creative! We can all be visionaries and imagine something DIFFERENT for ourselves! Visualizing a different way is CRITICAL to making it so because if you can start to see yourself differently, you’re already part of the way to making it a reality. I implore people to never forget how to play, and playing with ideas IS indeed a form of playfulness. It’s about entertaining possibilities and trying things on. In a way I’m endorsing people to be more fluid and less rigid. If we can start to relax and bend, even just a little, that’s where change happens. This is one reason why I’m prone to recommending yoga…
The next part of the challenge is the executables. What do you need to do? What kinds of things do you need to incorporate to make your vision a reality? Run a mile a day? Write for 30 minutes daily? Get out of the house to be among people? Talk to a stranger? Be less argumentative? Be more intentional about expressing love or gratitude towards at least one person? To help people along for this step I often ask my clients to think in tangible terms. I frame it thusly, “I want to see more of _____ or less of ______.” I ask them to consider, “How will we know when you’ve reached your destination? What will we look for? What will be different and HOW will it be different?” The more generalized the resolution (e.g. “I want to lose weight”), the less likelihood of success. The reverse is also true, so the more specific and refined you are with your intentions (e.g. “I want to lose 15 lbs”), the more likely you are to make some headway. This is because you have a hard target - something specific to work towards. You get to check a box when you reach it, pat yourself on the back, and re-evaluate where to go next. That’s why it’s so important to determine what your metrics are for self-improvement.
Making a Plan
I frame it thusly, “I want to see more of _____ or less of ______.” I ask them to consider, “How will we know when you’ve reached your destination? What will we look for? What will be different and HOW will it be different?”
Moreover, and this part is essential, what kinds of structures can you put in place to create levels of accountability? Be sure to schedule events pertaining to your goals (e.g. workouts, reading time, dates..etc..). Can you employ the assistance of others in your life? I often encourage folks to be as open as possible about what you’re seeking. You might have someone become your workout buddy. Maybe put it on your spouse or partner’s radar that you’re trying to be more intentional about something and to PLEASE take note and hold you accountable. I like to remind couples to practice positive reinforcement, so when you see the targeted behavior reinforce the heck out of it!
I believe the beginning of a new year denotes a fresh start. A new opportunity arises for us to reconsider where we’ve been and to set intentions about where we want to go. Despite what that devil on your shoulder might say, it doesn’t have to mean inevitable failure. Sure you might go in with the best intentions and then not succeed with what you set out to do. But that’s ok - at least you made the effort! I like to remind clients that our failures do not define us, but rather what we elect to do in the face of failure. And I say to reflect on it a bit to learn from the experience, and then go forward to face your future with unabashed hope and courage.
